As we come to yet another holiday that honors romance, one has to wonder if romance is really dead. The holiday has become so commercial that one would think that all you need to do is buy a card, some chocolates and maybe a nice dinner.
According to the advertisements on TV, if you really want to weaken your lover’s knees and guarantee her love, just buy her some jewelry. Something with diamonds should do the trick.
But how romantic is it to take out the credit card? Can’t we as men be a little more creative? Worse yet, a recent press release from the makers of Romantic Valentine’s Day cards says that more than 80% of them are bought by women. Doesn’t that say how unromantic men are when we can’t even be bothered to buy a simple card that expresses our love to the most important person in our lives?
The problem can largely be attributed to how the sexes view romance differently. Ask a man about romance and one of the best answers will be about sex, having sex, having hot sex, etc, etc, etc.
Women, on the other hand, consider sex to be the icing on the cake, but certainly not the whole cake.
Few men understand that, so they end up doing what the ads in magazines and on TV tell them. Buy candy or jewelry. Worse yet, maybe even sexy lingerie.
So what is a 21st century man to do with these differences? Can men crack the mysterious code of women’s sense of romance?
The answer is yes, we can. The truth is that women are always giving us clues about what makes them happy. Most of the time men are too involved in our own world to notice.
Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to get our collective heads out of the mud and dazzle the women in our lives. The good news is that, on average, women are so used to men being unromantic that even if a man tries, he could make this the most memorable Valentine’s Day they’ve ever had together.
So, as they say, let’s get down to business. What must a man do to make his lover fall in love?
Start by finding a quiet corner and use your head as more than just something to prop up your ears. Think about how you feel when the two of you are together. Think of all the things that special someone has done for you, with you. All the good times you have spent together. The future you are planning together.
Even think about the bad times when it seemed like he was the only one in the whole world who was on your side or really understood you. Think about who helps you when you are sad or sick.
If you’re starting to smile a little, maybe even get a little lump in your throat, you’re probably one of the lucky ones with a truly special relationship.
And now that? I apologize for this oversimplification, but broadly speaking, men are results-oriented and women tend to appreciate the process more. Think twice before you send me a nasty email note.
Men want to make dinner, flowers and finish. To use a sports analogy, what a man should do is get a bunch of base hits instead of relying on one big home run.
So here are the suggestions. Valentine’s Day this year is on a Saturday. This makes for a perfect day.
- Start with a single red rose on the bed and a short note trying to express a little about how you feel about it.
- Plan the day to be special for her.
- Try to think of activities that he likes to do together with you. It doesn’t matter if you enjoy it or not, it’s about her. It can be riding a bike, skating, walking, or even going to the flea market.
- Let her know you have a special plan for dinner, but don’t tell her. Let her know it’s going to be something special and let the anticipation build.
- If you enjoy it, maybe a massage and some time in a salon for hair and nails. Be careful when planning this. It’s a very individual thing that you may not like and may want to skip.
- Take her to a special place. One idea is to recreate your first date. The place, the food.
- If the first date wasn’t that spectacular, you could start there and then tell her that you’d like to take her somewhere more special because she’s such an important part of your life. Dinner and theater or a movie, maybe dancing. Just make sure it’s something he likes.
- Think about ending up in a nice hotel. Plan ahead and have rose petals on the floor and bed. If you’re married, take her over the threshold again. The best thing about a hotel room is that neither of you have to clean it in the morning. You can have a long and luxurious breakfast in bed.
- Most importantly, don’t expect sex. If it happens great, but at least you spend a lot of time cuddling and talking. If you have sex, do it for her, pleasing her in every way you can.
If you’re lucky, very lucky, you might realize how important this woman is in your life and bring a little Valentine every day from now on.