Getting over an affair is a complex journey, especially when it comes to the topic of forgiveness. Is your marriage in the midst of a crisis due to the painful fact that your spouse is cheating on you? The rawness of the wounds, from the infidelity inflicted on you, may still be quite fresh, and you may be dealing with so much anger and pain that you wonder if you will ever be able to move on or not.
Even if your spouse has apologized, your words may have fallen on deaf ears and you’re still searching for some kind of closure that seems out of reach…elusive. Perhaps he still hasn’t been offered an apology and is in a kind of “limbo,” so to speak, as he waits expectantly for his spouse to verbalize his regret and remorse.
I want to share with you a helpful and enlightening exercise that will allow you to examine the feelings you may be dealing with and what the concept of forgiveness means to you. People need help, encouragement, and support when they are getting through an affair, and I hope this article will be of some benefit to you in those areas.
The importance of “I’m sorry”: what it means to you:
If you have been through an affair and are still waiting to hear an apology from your spouse, it is important that you personally hear those words and know that your partner is truly sorry.
Being cheated on by your spouse saying “sorry” does a couple of things while you’re fighting overcome an adventure. First, validate the hurt and pain you are dealing with due to the fact that the person you trusted and loved violated the boundaries of your marriage. Second, he asserts that the perpetrator understands how much pain, painful emotions, and negative thoughts his actions have caused her. Hearing “I’m sorry” from a truly repentant spouse is a vital part of getting over an affair and a catalyst for saving their marriage.
The bottom line is that a cheating spouse owes an apology, plain and simple. Many times, however, this simply does not happen. For whatever reason, which is truly unfortunate, many spouses never hear those words, “I’m sorry.”
How To Forgive Even If Your Spouse Hasn’t Said “I’m Sorry”…
The dilemma:
Herein lies the dilemma… do you put your life on hold while you wait for your spouse to apologize, or do you take a proactive step and decide, even as a victim, to extend forgiveness to your cheating spouse? You must realize that it is your decision: to forgive or not to forgive. No one can force this decision or make it for you. Either way, it is vital that you realize what forgiveness means to you, to heal the devastation in your relationship, and ultimately to restore and save your marriage.
The whole concept of forgiveness can be quite confusing. Many of us have been taught that true forgiveness is only possible from a divine point of view. The mantra, “forgive and forget” is also an axiom that we have learned, but in truth, a notion that we very rarely fully understand. However, no matter how complex it may be, forgiveness is integral to the success of overcome an adventure
If you’re recovering from the pain and devastation of infidelity, you may be considering how a simple apology will allow you to forget about all the unpleasant repercussions of the affair. You wish getting through an adventure didn’t have to be so painfully complex and confusing, and that escaping deep pain, treacherous images, and haunting memories were easier to come by… but you also know there can be no quick fix. or instant cure for such a deep and debilitating wound.
However, on a positive note, it is entirely possible to get over an affair, and I want to give you a few steps to help you determine where you stand on the subject of forgiveness:
Step 1: Define forgiveness – What does it mean to you?
This is where the idea of forgiveness breaks down. Remember everything you can think about forgiveness; insights gleaned from your religious background and experience and/or what you have observed in your own personal life. Write down and categorize everything you understand forgiveness to mean.
Step 2: Examine Forgiveness – What does “I’m sorry” mean to you?
In the grand scheme of getting over an affair, what would it mean to you to hear your spouse say “I’m sorry”? What effect would it have on your life? What would change? How do you see yourself feeling and what do you imagine being able to do now because of an apology from your spouse? Again, he writes these thoughts about forgiveness and how they relate to your world.
Step 3: Imagine if your spouse showed no remorse. What does that do to you?
Hypothetically speaking, what would you do to yourself if your spouse never apologized? Getting over an affair is challenging enough when your spouse has apologized, but how do you picture your life and how do you want to live it if your spouse doesn’t apologize? Would you stay in “limbo”? Do you think you should? Could you go ahead and rebuild the marriage while just ignoring the whole idea of forgiveness?
Sometimes your own ideas may need to be redefined if you want to have any hope and success moving forward and rebuilding a marriage that has been damaged by infidelity. Take your time and be thorough and thoughtful as you go through this exercise. Remember, getting through an affair is complex business. Looking back, you may realize that an apology, whether or not expressed with true remorse, doesn’t hold you captive like it once did.
Really, really, getting over an affair must, at some point, involve forgiveness. Time will tell, and only you can decide, if it happens with or without hearing the words “I’m sorry.”
I wish healing and wholeness for your marriage…