Spanking has been controversial for many years. Arguments in favor of spanking include religious advocates citing the Bible verse “Shun the rod, spoil the child.” Well, technically, the “rod” referred to in this verse was the one a shepherd used to guide his sheep and pull them when they had strayed. I’m pretty sure they didn’t use it to hit their sheep over the head. Although, surely there were a few cooks who after hours of insomnia looking for stray sheep felt tempted.
The arguments of those who flog range from “It’s a deterrent” (yes, just like capital punishment is a deterrent to crime, eh, I’m pretty sure that argument isn’t valid. If flogging were a deterrent, would only need to be administered once), to, “I got slapped and I’m fine” – Well, there’s a difference between being “fine” and surviving. Ask anyone who has survived a traumatic experience.
If the goal is to raise children who simply survive their childhood, I guess many of us have survived being spanked. But, I’m hopeful that we would want to raise the bar a bit to thrive. In an age where we can give our children the best of everything, it seems like the best part of ourselves—the part that works to resolve conflict in a way that doesn’t add to the problem—would be ideal.
If we want to stop the bullying in the world, the perpetual violence with which we seem to want to confront all our social ills (“WAR on Drugs, WAR on Terror”), maybe we should STOP “warring” and start devising other ways. ways to resolve our conflicts and problems. Perhaps we start by listening to what the behavior is trying to tell us. If a child is “misbehaving,” that means her behavior has missed the mark. They are trying to communicate something, if we listen closely enough we might hear what they are trying to say.
We continue to care for and love our children so that they feel their own worth and value. We expanded this to include healthy limits and age-appropriate options. We also allow our children to live with non-life-threatening consequences so they can learn from their “missed” shots. Loving, listening and learning from our children is just what a good shepherd does with his sheep. When you truly care for any being, you love it unconditionally, you listen to what its needs are, and you continually learn new and better ways to help it grow and flourish.
When an older child picks on a younger child, we call it bullying.
When a person with authority and power over another uses their power to intimidate or dominate another person, we call it abuse or harassment.
However, when a parent hits a child, we call it “discipline.”
I call it bullying.
Bullying begin Y ends at home.
Bullies don’t raise themselves.