The best thing to do when dealing with an alcoholic spouse is to separate yourself from the alcoholic’s abuse. You can do this if you really love your spouse and want to help them get sober. The more you focus all your energies on the alcoholic, the less likely he is to get sober. This article focuses on how you can break away and stay mentally healthy.
Don’t make alcoholism your problem
If you have never read any Al-Anon material, you probably don’t know that you are making the disease of alcoholism YOUR problem. One of the sad facts about living with an alcoholic is that we become just as mentally and emotionally ill as the alcoholic. This happens because every step of life that we take, and every breath of air that we breathe has some implication with the alcoholic. Our emotions trump our own sanity as we try to cope with the deterioration of the alcoholic in our lives. What are we doing wrong? We are concentrating too much on the disease, instead of concentrating on our mental and emotional health. We may well be tipping the bottle for them. Better yet, we can also be drinking with them!
do not enable
Most spouses of alcoholics don’t realize that they are helping their spouse drink with just a few simple behaviors and actions. Several ways you can allow your spouse to drink are by buying alcohol for him, drinking with him, calling the boss or family members for him because he is too hungover or too drunk to do it himself. Lying to friends, bosses, family, and co-workers about him and his drinking problem. Take them to the store, argue with them and behave like a victim. You are not the victim of alcoholism until you become the victim.
get out of the pity pot
Get out of the pity pot and start living for yourself, instead of living for the alcoholic. “Oh poor me, every day I’m suffering and I can’t take it anymore” attitude will get you nowhere. You need to take care of yourself and that cannot be done if you are focusing all your attention on the alcoholic and what he is doing or not doing. Start concentrating on what you can do for yourself. Get out of the house, don’t stay with the alcoholic and don’t let him mistreat you with his words. If you care about the alcoholic in your life, this is what helps him more than anything else.
part with love
You are powerless to stop your loved one from drinking. The first step in becoming detached is realizing that the alcoholic’s antics are not your problem. Don’t try to fix their masses for them. This not only allows them to continue drinking, but also justifies their drinking. Do not interact with the alcoholic while they are drinking; that includes, talking and arguing with them. Why complain and fight with someone who has lost the ability to make sense? Don’t fall into the alcohol trap with them. Stay out of the trap, so you can help them. Ninety-five percent of what an alcoholic says is manipulation and nonsense anyway. Don’t start believing the lies of the disease. Separate yourself from the antics of the alcoholic.
pray for the alcoholic
I cannot tell you how important the process of daily prayer can be. Not only does it bring you closer to God, but it will also make you get in the habit of going to God with the challenges of your life. God hears your cries of pain and will give you the answers you need to get through your trials and tribulations, even if your spouse continues to drink. Be patient and remain faithful in the Lord and He will deliver you from your suffering.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)