As more and more people meet through online dating or out-of-home events, and as people relocate to other cities for work, long-distance relationships are becoming more common. Sometimes they are very challenging and sometimes they work well.
The challenges
If you are insecure, anxious, needy, or jealous, a long distance relationship is probably not for you. Until you learn to love yourself enough to not worry about what your partner is doing and take loving care of your own feelings, it will probably be very stressful for you.
If you are an outgoing person who regenerates with your partner and with others, not seeing your partner on a daily basis can be very hard on you, especially if you are a housewife or have a job where you don’t have much interaction with others. the rest.
If you are a working mother or father, or have several small children, it can be a great challenge for you not to have the help of your partner.
If constant, daily in-person connection and affection are important to you, then a long-distance lifestyle would not work well for you.
the positives
If you’re a more introverted person who needs a lot of alone time to regenerate, not being with a partner on a daily basis might work well.
If you or your partner are very busy and achievement-oriented people, getting together on the weekends or even once a month on a weekend could be a lifestyle that works for you.
If both you and your partner love spending time alone, then a long-distance relationship might be for you.
If the two of you love each other, but often provoke each other in ways that lead to distance or conflict, then not seeing each other as much could be the thing that saves your relationship.
If you love to travel and are a very social person who makes friends wherever you go, and your partner is a more easy-going, stay-at-home person, you both may be meeting your needs through a long-distance relationship.
If you tend to be a giver and are afraid of being swallowed, you may feel much more secure in a long-distance relationship.
Sometimes people living in different cities meet and fully enjoy their relationship, as long as they live apart. But fears of being swallowed can be triggered if they make plans to live together.
Beth and her partner Danny enjoyed their weekends together once a month and vacations together. They thought that the next step would be to live together. But when Danny’s job finally allowed him to move to the same town as Beth, she was terrified. During their seven-year long-distance relationship, Beth would often indulge on weekends together and even on the phone, and she would sometimes breathe a sigh of relief when Danny returned to her house. Even though she complained that she and Danny didn’t have enough time together, when the opportunity for this to come true finally arose, Beth suddenly found herself re-evaluating the relationship. Her fear of being swallowed by her was so great that she ended the relationship. She told me that Danny was a very demanding person and that she could handle that in a long distance relationship but not in a live-in one.
Beth could have done the inside work necessary to develop her loving adult so that she would no longer give herself away, but she had convinced herself that the relationship would end anyway if she stopped being a caretaker. She could have been right, but she could also have been wrong. The only way she could have known the truth would have been to stop caring for her and see what happened. But she was not willing to take this risk.
It’s important to be honest with yourself about whether or not a long distance relationship is for you.