Do you have a blender in your house? If so, what type of blender would you say you have? Is it small, medium or large? Is it one of those high-tech multi-button blenders with different speeds? Or is it an old style blender with just a few knobs with just two or three different speeds? I have my own blender at home. I would have to say that it is a pretty big blender. As the man of my house and the boss of my house, I take it upon myself to be the blender manager in my house. You see, the blender I’m referring to is not the kind you might think. I’m actually referring to my family.
I have blended a family. My wife and I come from previous marriages. In each of those marriages, we produced children. When my wife and I met and fell in love, we decided to join our families to form one big family. We are what might be called the modern “Brady Bunch.” The mixed family is much more common today than ever. If not handled the right way, being part of a blended family can be a nightmare. On the other hand, if managed properly, a blended family can form a bond that can allow the “Blended” to be eliminated and can simply be a family; a healthy, supportive and loving one.
My wife is 100% Dominican. She was born and raised in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. She moved to the United States at a young age and lived between New York, New Jersey, and Texas. I am African-American. I was born and raised in Baltimore, Maryland. We are both ex-military and currently reside in North Carolina. Between my wife, myself, and our children, we bring three different ethnicities to the table. We also bring different upbringings, cultures, personalities and attitudes. This can be a very stressful combination if the right moods are not brought to the fore. Fortunately, my wife and I have come to a very good understanding of how we want to raise our family. We both understand that we must have a solid foundation and that we must set the standards for our family and then stick to them.
We understand that bringing a blended family together is hard work and requires a lot of effort. It takes time for a family like this to freeze. It is not an overnight procedure. It’s also very difficult to put a timeline on a process like this. Every family dynamic is different and can take varying amounts of time to achieve the ultimate goal, which is a single, fully functional unit of mutual love, respect, and support. We also understand that it takes a lot of strength to be able to handle the great mix of personalities and different attitudes, needs and desires. This effort should be seen as a lifelong commitment to make the family work and everyone should agree and do their part. My wife and I made that commitment even before we were married and recognize that putting the blender to work in our family starts with us. As head of my house, I feel like it ultimately starts with me setting the tone.
Here are some concepts that my wife and I decided to incorporate into our family culture.
1) Rules must be put in place to develop discipline and responsibility. Once my wife and I agree on a house rule, we hold everyone accountable. Every child is held to the same standard. No one receives preferential treatment and anyone who violates a house rule is subject to the same punishment.
two) Communication on our part as parents is essential when dealing with our children. We have to always agree with everything when it comes to children. We never allow any of our children to play us against each other. Whatever my wife tells you, I support her and vice versa. We never have disagreements in front of them. We save them for when we are alone and can talk in private.
3) Respect is huge in our family. There are all boys here in the house. I’m tough on them when it comes to respecting the woman of the house. There must be absolutely no disrespect of any kind towards my wife at any time. It doesn’t matter if they are her biological children or her stepchildren. I correct with haste, any action that I consider disrespectful towards her. Teaching boys how to respect women is a priority for me and I will work hard to instill that quality in all of them. I demand respect too, but the dynamic of my relationship with guys is slightly different and I try hard to tell that difference with them.
4) Education It is very important to our family. We try to instill the value of education in our children. We don’t just do it by word of mouth. We also demonstrate it through our actions. My wife is studying for her college degree and I am also working on a degree. They see us faithfully completing our schoolwork and pursuing our professional dreams. We want them to understand that they must work hard to achieve their goals and dreams. We make sure they understand that whatever they want to do or be, they can if they put their mind to it and work hard.
5) Family fun it is necessary to bond and simply be able to relax and enjoy being together. We constantly do family events together. Whether it’s a cruise, a sporting event, going to church or a movie, a trip to one of our favorite restaurants, or just going to Baskin Robbins for ice cream, we spend a lot of time together doing fun things as a family. We work hard, so we should play hard too. We also support each other’s individual events. All our children like to play different sports. We all support each other at our individual events as well. We want everyone in this family to know that they have a support system at home that they can trust and depend on.
6) love it is the key ingredient that helps make it all work. We do our best to create an environment that is full of love. My wife and I are very loving in our home. We show a lot of affection in front of our boys for them to see. I love my wife and I show her through my affections towards her. If they follow my example, my children will also learn to treat a lady properly, with kindness and respect. We also show a lot of affection towards the boys. We want them to know that we love them. We want you to understand that we want to see you all grow up to be happy and successful men.
Our overall goal is to ensure that our children have a safe, healthy, and loving environment where they can grow, thrive, and become well-rounded young people. We believe that the six concepts that we incorporated into our family culture have begun to bear great fruit. We still have much more to do and a long way to go, but we are well on our way to a great start in the development of our family. I think the same concepts can also be useful for anyone who has a blended family.
Remember, nurturing a blended family is like making the perfect pie crust! Once you have all the ingredients, mix them until you get a smooth mixture. When the cake is baked in the oven at the right temperature for the right amount of time, you will have a nice, sweet-smelling, great-tasting dessert. This is the way I see my family, which is why I work so hard to make sure our family is built on unity, love and respect. That’s why I consider myself the one in charge of the blender in my house. Truth be told, each member of the blended family has to contribute to make the family a success. So, in a way, each person is a manager of the family blender. Let your home blender do the work for you!