Have you ever been called an adrenaline junkie? Maybe a fan of extreme sports, or maybe just a lunatic? I’m sure you outdoor enthusiasts have a screw loose somewhere that makes you want to jump off a 20 foot height on a mountain bike or go on a 7 day kayak trip. Even though you are clinically insane by most standards, you probably still have many of the same desires as the no-fat, no-foam, half-latte city folk. Specifically, you dream of the day you have a great girl in your life, the kind of girl you could spend hours chatting with non-stop, one who would occupy your thoughts all day, and one you would constantly desire. Have you ever thought beyond that and wondered how you would incorporate this wonderful woman into all the different facets of your life? Probably not. How the hell are you going to convince your new girlfriend to hit the downhill trail in Whistler or go camping in the winter? How do you get your new girlfriend to play your favorite sport?
Women can be a fickle bunch, some more sensitive than others, and they all need similar things from you. Every woman needs her man to be patient, supportive and understanding, especially when she pushes her comfort zone by trying new sports. These may sound like regular traits that most people have, but in my experience, and that of all my friends, men sometimes forget the basics in the heat of the moment.
Here’s the thing: Men with their friends will practically commit suicide to prove their manhood, and they would never dare to squash a challenge. Women are NOT like that. We want to feel safe, in control, and most of all, appreciated for exposing ourselves to their criticism. Be nice at first and let us feel comfortable. Going slow for the first two wrinkles will ensure future wrinkles and a lot less frustration for both parties. It’s great that you want us to go to your level. After all, it only took you 3 broken arms, a fractured clavicle, and an ACL reconstruction to get you to where you are. Of course, on the first ride, we may not be thrilled to drop off your favorite cliffhanger or bike in Squamish and head back.
Here are some tips to get your woman involved in her sports.
Ask first before planning. Find out if she would be interested in doing something with you. (Hint, tell her how much you’d like to include her in this part of your life; women love to hear such things. Then mention that there’s a beautiful gazebo she just has to see. Sell her on the romantic side…it’s a sure bet .)
Consider your woman’s lifestyle. If she is adventurous, she may be up for more than if she is a shy and quiet person. If she has led a sheltered life, rather than traveled the world, she may need more or less prodding.
Go slow and don’t suggest anything crazy. Let her set the pace. Don’t roll your eyes, complain that “you’re not even working hard,” or jump ahead to “get some exercise.” Remember, the goal is to get him to participate in your sport, not to get him to leave you because you were being a jerk.
Be patient and give suggestions, not commands. Don’t bark at him to slow him down or keep his head up. Be nice for yelling out loud, she’s working hard for you!
Little by little he tries more difficult things. After a few breaks, he suggests a new trail that he thinks she’s ready for now. That’s the key: tell her that you’ve seen her improve and that you think she’ll really enjoy this one. Be sure to tell him that if he doesn’t like it at any point, you can stop (Very important, probably once he’s in, he’ll be fine, but knowing this will make him less intimidating).
Tell him how much you enjoy his company and how excited you are to try something he likes (don’t worry, you don’t actually have to go to the ballet, he may forget you mentioned it).
Then take her out for dinner or drinks and tell her how good you thought she looked walking up that hill or trudging across the river. Second trip guaranteed.
Wait 3 days before bringing it up again (meaning don’t bother or harass her to come out again until she’s had time to wash the lactic acid off her legs).
Most women want to do things to make their boyfriends happy and proud. She’s going to want praise for going with you and working hard. Even if she sucked, tell her how great she was. Even if she complained non-stop (she hey, some women just won’t work), tell her you had fun (and make a mental note not to ask her again). The key is to communicate how nice it was to spend time with her doing something you love. Tell her that she wants to help her get better, and maybe even buy her a new outfit or a super comfortable seat for her bike (this will really help, because her seat bones will probably hurt and she won’t want to…).
To get what you want you have to work for it. If you want your new girlfriend to participate in your favorite sport, you will need to be patient, reassuring, and appreciative. Push, but only if she responds well to a challenge. Remember that if you ever want to take her out again, go easy (easy in her opinion, not yours) on the first outing. Build for bigger and better things. Develop the trust and bonding that is sure to come from physically challenging her and her relationship. It may seem like a lot of work, but if you do it right, you could end up like my dad and his wife, who biked through Italy, the Mohave Desert, and many other crazy places together. Watch out for the prize, guys, even if she hates you guys for making her go 100 km into the wind without stopping. At worst, if you can’t get her to do what you want, punish her so she knows how hard it is and give you a massage when you get back.