Little did I know when I began my career as an LPN, that not only would I find my nursing job more rewarding, but my self-destructive behavior that had a negative influence on my life would be revealed and my recovery from co-dependency would begin. This was a condition I didn’t know I had until it was strongly suggested that I go to Al-anon. Shock was my immediate response. To me? Because I? It was all the other members of my family that needed to go to the meetings and it was not Al-anon that they needed! I was responsible. I was praying every night to be perfect and (with all my might) trying to fix everyone and everyone I came in contact with.
I loved my job and felt so comfortable with the patients that… not wanting to tarnish my image as the perfect employee, I went to Al-anon. I was very confused at first. How the hell was I going to help my family or any of the patients if he was supposed to “let go and let God?” My understanding at this point in my life was that my job was to improve myself and help everyone else, and then when I died, God would let me know how I did it and whether I passed or failed. The meetings were so smooth…and no one shared what to do with these wonderful people who were using various chemicals and ruining their health and causing chaos in their lives. It was daunting and I was not impressed. I was depressed for a long, long time.
The ray of hope for me was the glimmer of light I saw in two women in a meeting who worked in an Al‑Anon program. One of them lived with a practicing alcoholic, but he radiated so much peace and yes, serenity… I wanted some of that. If I hadn’t experienced these two women, I shudder to think that I might have missed the boat and never found my show. This encouraged me to keep coming back. It didn’t happen overnight. How sad to see now how cynical and suspicious I was for so long. I continue to go to meetings today, to ensure that a light shines on me as I have developed a working relationship with a power greater than myself and that I can be an encouragement to someone else.
Codependents and untreated family members will continue to gravitate toward relationships with people who have compulsive disorders. I made. If we don’t reach out and get help to cope with the emotional pain we feel, our future is predictable and bleak. We become alcoholics or addicts, die of stress-related illnesses, commit suicide, or end up in a psychiatric ward like I did. Today I am sharing with newcomers that Al-anon has been my healthy parent. I have now learned how to have healthy relationships with family, friends, and co-workers. The most important healthy relationship I have is with myself. At first he had abandoned me. I was addicted to people, places and things and anything outside of me to take the spotlight off me…since I didn’t feel worthy. Today I value myself… my decisions are based on “Is this decision good for me?” I have learned and practiced acts of humility like praying, going to meetings, calling my sponsor, reading Al-anon literature and it’s like spraying my life with WD40. By the grace of God, a solution comes, or a state of acceptance replaces negativity and fear. I claim for myself, today, the promise in AA’s Big Book that if I work the 12-step program, I can and am happy, joyful, and free!
Al-anon became my healthy father.