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Top five ways to develop your coping skills when grieving the death of a loved one

Does the grievance you are experiencing seem unrelenting? Is there no end in sight? That feeling is not unusual for many. A common experience for mourners is not being able to find a support system, the confidence to deal with change, and reliable information to help them deal with their loss.

There is a good reason for this. Ultimately, education on how to deal with loss is almost non-existent, until a major loss occurs. The search then begins at a time when the disorganization and stress of grief are high.

However, it is never too late to begin the task of discovering that there is a wide range of normalcy among grievance reactions, that there are proven ways to deal with loss while it persists, and that despite your deep pain, you can learn. to confront your emotions and find peace of mind.

Where can you start?

1. Begin by considering friends and relatives who have suffered similar losses and how they have coped. It is perfectly normal and smart to humbly seek the wisdom of others. Stretch out and don’t let your pride stop you. There is a lot of experience out there. Ask specific questions, weigh the benefits and drawbacks of the answers, then decide whether you want to use what you’ve heard or leave it as not applicable to your situation.

2. Search the complaint literature for some of the high-quality resources available. Brochures and articles on grievances are plentiful. You will find a wide variety of material at your local library, hospice, or on the Internet. You may not feel like reading anything early in your grief. If so, please come back to this resource later. There is so much information from reading alone that can help you. Once again, pick and choose what rings true for you and discard the rest.

3. Be willing to join a grievance support group. There is so much information that will be presented to you. For example, many mourners do not realize that there are many secondary losses in addition to the primary loss that need to be acknowledged and grieved for. Plus, you can learn a lot from other mourners who are at different stages of their grief. Remember that the web of connections you have is unique only to you and no one else. You will feel with whom to talk about your feelings and who to ask for advice.

4. Become aware of the harmful tort myths you believe. Here are some of the more common ones: You should get over the complaint in a few weeks; crying is a sign of weakness; the grievance only affects the emotions; you’re supposed to let go of the person who died; you’ll be your old self again. Remember, all beliefs have a powerful effect on behavior, often without you even knowing it. There is nothing wrong with discarding impracticable beliefs.

5. Visit a grievance counselor. Write down your list of questions before you go. Don’t just go to anyone who gives counseling. Look for a professional whose main counseling burden is with people who are grieving. Check the Association for Education and Advice on Death (www.adec.org) for complaint advisors in your area. They can help you discover your strengths, the myths that prolong grievance, and remove obstacles to reduce the intensity of your grievance.

As you develop coping skills to deal with your loss, rest assured that specific information to help you is available. But you must act at the most difficult moment to find out. Follow your heart. We need each other; and in a time of great loss, it is not a sign of weakness to seek help and, through trial and error, work your way through the grievance process and the growth it is sure to bring.

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