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Parenting with ADHD: Setting Limits for Children

Some parents are lucky to have children with kind temperaments and eager to please. However, many parents of children with ADHD do not have this luxury; they have strong-willed children who repeat mistakes, argue, and test their parents’ patience. It is not uncommon for these parents to feel frustrated and not knowing what to do; they feel like “bad parents” or take it personally and think their child is misbehaving on purpose. In most cases, neither is true. Here are some tips for parents with ADHD to help you set limits and effective discipline.

State limits clearly and simply

The desired behaviors that follow should be stated clearly, firmly, and simply. It is important that you focus on the behavior and not the child so that they feel valued rather than rejected or judged. A simple statement like “Don’t bite, that hurts your brother” should suffice. Have him say this in his “normal voice” to avoid irritating your child.

Be firm with the consequences

It is not enough to clearly state your expectations; You have to be clear and firm about the consequences when you don’t follow the rules. Consequences are central to discipline because they teach a child with ADHD to listen to you, take your word seriously, and be more cooperative. They are also more effective if they are consistent, logically related, and done right away.

Try a no-consequence approach

But what if the consequences don’t work on your strong-willed child? You could try talking to her son and explain how her behavior affects others. For example, if your son makes a mistake and talks too loud at the movies, she can say softly and quietly, “Josh, we have to speak with our inner voice because other people are watching the movie.”

Let your child vent

Children with ADHD have boundless energy that can lead to bad behavior if they don’t have an outlet for their excess energy. Help your child blow off steam by providing opportunities for physical activities like jumping or running; set up a trampoline in the backyard or let your child run in circles. Other ways to diffuse aggression include after-school sports, working with clay, or participating in other physically active games. Remember, your child with ADHD is more likely to behave and cooperate when he is doing projects or playing games that he enjoys. Offer your child a variety of activities and experiences to enjoy.

choose your battles

Any and all misdeeds do not have to lead to an argument or confrontation. Try to identify themes in your child’s behavior and deal with problems in this way. For example, instead of talking to your child on separate occasions about forgetting to do homework, not doing homework, or losing things, discuss the issue of responsibility and use these instances as examples.

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