I recently heard from a wife whose affair had lasted two months. The wife had found out about a mutual friend. It really bothered her that the husband hadn’t come clean on his own. However, once the wife confronted her husband, he immediately expressed his pain and remorse. In fact, the husband had repeatedly said how sorry he was every day since this conversation.
His repeated apologies were not good for the wife. They sounded fake and fake. His logic didn’t make any sense to her. She said, in part: “If he really regretted cheating on me, he would have admitted it to me himself without my having to find out from someone else. And if he was really sorry, he wouldn’t have.” first. How can you cheat on someone you love and are committed to? I don’t think you can. Wouldn’t it be nice if we lived in a world where we could do whatever we wanted, let’s say? Do you feel it and then wipe the slate? Well that’s not the way it works. I don’t think I’m really sorry for a second. I just think he’s sorry because he’s been caught and now he looks like a dishonest jerk. “
Obviously this wife was furious and strong feelings were very fresh. After a bit of dialogue, it became quite clear to me that deep down, she wanted to believe that he was genuinely sorry and that he would not cheat again. He wanted to believe that she was important enough to him to tell him the truth. But, understandably, she had confidence issues now and doubted she could believe her claims.
In the following article, I will go over some ways to tell if a man really regrets being unfaithful or just regrets being caught, since everything is now in plain sight.
A man who truly regrets cheating will show that his priority is with you: Hopefully, it goes without saying that a truly repentant man will drop the other person like a hot potato. If you want to repair your relationship and restore trust, then you will be completely serious about severing all contact and ties with the other person. Not only that, but it will eliminate the vulnerabilities that lead to your deception.
For example, if you cheated on a business trip overnight, you will stop traveling alone. Now if he has a certain friend who is a bad influence on him, he will leave that friend immediately without a second thought. In short, a man who is genuinely sorry for his actions does not make excuses or try to divert his attention from what he did. He takes responsibility for it, distances himself from the things that contributed to it, and then focuses on fixing his relationship with you.
If he really regrets cheating on you, he is fully responsible and appreciates your review: Most of the time, a man who is genuine after cheating will understand why you don’t trust him. To that end, he will probably want to do everything he can to show you that he has nothing to hide. It will hand you your cell phone, your Facebook account, your email passwords, and whatever else you want to see.
He does these things because he knows you won’t find anything and he wants to show you his willingness to work with you. Now some men resent this and some are reluctant to give up their privacy. But once they realize that this is necessary and important for their peace of mind, most will decide that their well-being is more important than their privacy at this time. (Although obviously this cannot go on forever). Do you see the trend here? On almost every subject, he’s choosing your needs over his own. Sure, he may really miss his friends or habits, but you want to show him that you are more important to him than any of these things.
When I say this to women, some tell me that although they wish their man was doing all this, he is not. He says he is sorry, but does not show responsibility or focus on the relationship. Before you assume that this means that he is not really sorry, at least give him a chance to make things right. Yes, it is frustrating having to explain what you want and need. But sometimes, men just don’t get the clues or aren’t intuitive enough to think about this for themselves. Sometimes they really want to do the right thing, but they need you to tell them what it really is.
True pain is demonstrated by a person’s actions, not by written or spoken words: Sometimes I have people ask me if I read a letter that their husband or boyfriend wrote to see if it is genuine. The truth is, you can’t always tell about this. People can and will say or write anything to make you think they are sorry. It is true that the fact that they are putting in all this time and effort certainly says something. But, only time and observing their actions will tell you the truth.
Because when a person really regrets having hurt him, he is quite firm in his conviction that he will never do it again. They strive to become a better husband or boyfriend and then they deliver. They compensate you in various ways for the way they treat you and your relationship. This is a real regret. It does not come through written or spoken words. It comes through action and character.