The old adage, “Do as I say, not as I do,” hasn’t worked in the past, and it certainly doesn’t work today, when kids are exposed to a plethora of limitless ideas, styles, and options to try.
The term role model was introduced by Robert K. Merton, a distinguished American sociologist best known for coining the phrase “self-fulfilling prophecy.” Merton postulates that individuals are compared with “reference groups” understood as people, who occupy the social role to which the individual aspires. The term has come into general use to refer to any person who sets an example. Eda LeShan, family counselor and parenting author, posits, “The only way to raise a decent human being is to be one.” These two observers are right. What children become has to do with the example of those who raise them. “Monkey look monkey do.”
Konrad Z. Lorenz demonstrated how geese hatched in incubators produced the first proper movement stimulus they saw within what he called a “critical period” of approximately 36 hours shortly after hatching. Filial imprinting is not limited to animals that can follow their parents. In child development the term is used to refer to the process by which a baby learns who his mother and her father are. The process is recognized to begin in utero, when the fetus begins to recognize the voices of its parents (Kisilevsky et al, 2003). This imprint is further embedded as the child observes and experiences behavior, habits, tone of voice, body language, etc. parental.
Parents are the first role model (reference group) that a child has. If you doubt the importance of teaching by example, think of your own childhood. How were you influenced to become the person you are, for better or worse? Does what you learned in school have the biggest influence on your personality? Were your peers and other adults the most influential? Were you more influenced by movies or television than your parents and relatives? How are you like your dad? How are you like your mother? We often hear the comment: “He married a woman just like his mother.” “He married a man like her father.” There’s a reason people make this poignant observation.
Parent Role Model:
– Social skills. Social skills and attitudes are taught by example. A child learns good manners more easily when “please” and “thank you” are part of everyday life.
– Respect for others. When parents show respect for each other, their children and others; Children learn to value themselves, other people and institutions.
– Do it yourself. Coherence between teaching and example is very important. If you want to teach your child a behavior, but you behave differently or in the opposite way, your child will become confused and frustrated as to what to do and who to believe. To teach a behavior it is necessary to model it. Famed child psychiatrist Fritz Redl postulates that the three most important things you’ll need to know about raising children are: “Example, example, example.”
– Home environment. Children not only unconsciously imitate the behavior of their parents, but also absorb the general atmosphere of the home. A child who lives in a home full of love, affection and cooperation can more easily show love, affection and cooperation to others.
– Positive approach. Focus attention on what your child does well. Reward good behavior and ignore or impose consequences for unacceptable behavior. Threats and spankings only teach your child that violence (power over) is acceptable.
Chicago News columnist Sydney J. Harris wrote: “When parents talk about discipline, they mean a rigid set of rules to keep their children from misbehaving. But the only discipline worthy of the name lies in providing a solid framework of ideals, not for the child to live in, but for the parents to live in. You can beat children black and yourself blue, but it can’t make them better than the examples they see around them every day.” .
– Teach instead of lecture: Practice what you preach. Modeling is most effective when we talk about what we are doing and why. Explaining the importance of doing the right thing or that you share the responsibility of making your community a better place to live and that’s why you attend meetings helps your children understand your reasoning and relate your activities to their own behavior.
This is not to say that parents have to be perfect. We all lose our temper sometimes, say things we regret, aren’t as nice as we’d like to be, or do things we wish we hadn’t. It’s reassuring to know that it’s the general trend in our behavior that influences our children, not isolated instances of less-than-stellar behavior. We are humans; so are our children. Being perfect is not a requirement. The important thing is to admit your mistakes, apologize and stop the unacceptable behavior, and be a role model in how to make amends. ##
Fountain:
Robert K. Merton (July 4, 1910 – February 23, 2003) was an American sociologist. He spent most of his career teaching at Columbia University. He is best known for coining the terms “role model” and “self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Konrad Z. Lorenz, PhD (1903-1989), animal psychologist, did significant work in the physiology of animal behavior and in the development of social relationships, particularly imprinting. He also explored the relationship between animal behavior and human sociology.
Barbara S. Kisilevsky, PhD, Research on Effects of Experience on Fetal Speech Recognition. psychological science, 14, 220-224. Kisilevsky and others, 2003.